Remembering u

[Bloodz4life]

>>Crushing into the mud my footsteps leave deep imprints..
Running full speed dead at my feet, tired as my eyes squint..
Tears drop. my body comes to a complete stop to realize....
My friend is dead im not why risk what iv got in front of my eyes..
My life, but I must keep running cuz if I don’t. ill lose either way..
As I keep moving I run and run till I get to the cemetery there I pray..
Standing right next to my friend’s grave I pray god help me..
As I look to the left I see a old man balancing on his cane smiling..
Then I think, how did my friend die?.he was murdered, stabbed..
As I look back to the man, he is closer asking me to stand grab..
My cane…pull ur self up..and I notice it’s pure gold and ice cold..
Just let me have a few words with you son, its important I gotta let go..
As he talks to me for hours about crazy shit, we discuss the incapable..
Then he pulls out a knife and begins stabbing me I cant move im inescapable..
…………………..

As I lay next to my friends grave…dieing…my mind starts to flood..
This man was my father my own fucking flesh and blood..
He tells me that he was under cover and had me played..
Then tells me he took my friends life and money he made...
What money dad? He was a drug dealer son and he had it saved..
And well I had to off him before he went to jail trust me son..
So I freed him and those were my men making you run..
Cuz, we son…we no..all about ur dealing and drug smuggling..
And im here to help you set ur life free from prison now quit struggling..
Then he began stabbing me…….
.....................

Ay mister Wilkins is john home no Kyle he isn’t home..
Well I talked to him on the phone, when he left if he was alone..?
Im not sure I think he went to your house ok thank you..
Then he slowly moved away in to his ford truck solid blue..
As it drove away I closed the door then I noticed that was reported..
The night before there was a emergency call about drugs imported..
From Cuba in a blue ford that had crossed the border illegally..
As I reopened the door then walked to the car to follow Kyle eagerly..
Before he add reach john..Hopin he wasn’t in on it with him..
And well hoping I was jus overacting, and it’s neither of them..
Then as I pulled up to Kyle's house..John was there waiting..
When Kyle pulled up they unloaded black suitcases impatiently..
As if they were ina hurry then I noticed my son had a gun..
And so did Kyle..as they were loading these bags by the ton..
After they had stopped a few minutes later more people arrived..
Then they went inside with the black suitcases they tried to hide..
So I figured something was up..as me being detective its my duty..
I figured I juss stake out and see if there’s nething to suspect truly..
Cuz I don’t want my son to be mistaken for drug use or money makin..
Then a little while after the people arrived my son left so I went in..
As I see Kyle sittin there with 3 kilos of coke and at least a grand with him..
I pulled out my gun and made him take the coke out and load the money..
After that I sat him down explainin how he shouldn’t a brought Johnny..
Cuz now my sons into this and its ur fault..but ill do this for you..
Setting down my gun and pulling out my knife he begins to move..
So I start stabbing him to death and take the money with me ending the case..
Hoping no one else caught on to what was goin on in this place and it’s erased..
One Year later at the cemetery-------------------------------------------------^ ^

[Bloodz4life]

blazenrap.proboards92.com/index.cgi?board=penbleeds&action=display&thread=1147380616

[Bloodz4life]

now uppin some feed

[s k i t t !]

That was one of the BEST pieces you have written.

"As I lay next to my friends grave…dieing…my mind starts to flood..
This man was my father my own fucking flesh and blood..
He tells me that he was under cover and had me played..
Then tells me he took my friends life and money he made..."

Everything flowed nicely and rhymed.
This was like a story and i liked that a lot.

You have wicked talent.
Keep up the good work:)

[Bloodz4life]

upp

[The Witness.]

well this was a nce piece,I enjoyed reading it and I think you have improved very well since you first started dropping Open Mics, However, being a perfectionist there are certain parts of this that you could fix, for a start you structure was plain,too plain. you need to add more multies in, and you need to change your rhyme scheme,simply rhyming at the end of every line, without internal rhymes is not very impressive to a more experienced writer,you need to work on that a lot. you also need to shorten your lines, I feel that they are a little bit stretched in places,I was kind of straining to get to the end of every line lol. Your vocab was very good, it has impressed me a lot here, you have increased your vocab a shit load from when you frist started writing OMs.Your imagery was very good I could feel and see what was going on,which is a very important part of any peice.....I liked the description but I think it could also have been a bit better in places,your wording was alright,it was not too good but not too bad either,you have a lot of talent and I hope to see more work from you soon.keep at it homie.

[masias]

this was a fuckin sweet piece. the flow sounded good on almost everyline, which isnt sumthin you see all the time. I think this is one of your best pieces. keep up the good work, and try harder next time.